Time for a Change.

I've always prided myself in being a good person. I'm polite to those who are rude. I say nice things about those who say mean things about me (usually..). I tolerate people who disrespect me.. I forgive people who do the unforgivable. Just because that is who i am. But maybe that's something i need to change about myself. Not completely.. Because i don't want to turn into one of those people that hates the world. Because if that were the case..I have every reason to hate the world lol.

I think being too nice is what got me to where i'm at now. I feel like people walk all over me. I feel like sometimes they take advantage of me..they take me for granted. I don't want to be THAT person anymore. I want to be a good person..but not allow people to think i'm a push over. I want to be RESPECTED.

I don't want to talk too much about what goes on in real life. You never know who is reading.. But, I do want to acknowledge that what happened last night is what made me come to this realization. I gave a lot to someone who didn't appreciate any of it. And normally I would just shrug it off and say "Amanda, you did the right thing." This time, I said to myself "Amanda, you ARE doing the right thing" but for a totally different reason. I offered my money, i offered my help. I offered this to someone that just wanted to use me. And then... I took it all back. Took my money back and left them to help themselves. It hurt me to do it. I contemplated running back and giving it all back. I literally had to fight myself. But i just kept saying in my head "you need to do this. you need to make it stop. you need to stand up for yourself"..and that's what i did. and let me tell you..right now, i feel DAMN good about it.

I also did something else i probably didn't need to do..but again, because i'm a good person i did. but this, i do not regret. because the person i offered my help to..accepted and appreciated it. it was a life changing move, on my part and on theirs. having someone hear me..and understand me..and TRUST me.. has made ME realize that i AM better off. because knowing that someone else saw it..made me realize I AM NOT CRAZY! this IS how this person is. and if i could stop them from getting involved in the nonsense..then i did a good job. *pat on my back*

I made a bold move. I asked to meet with her and she accepted. This is a big deal to me. and this is also a big deal for her. That's all I am going to say about that! don't want to get in any trouble..because again, you never know who is reading! and i don't want to upset anyone.

So, here's to being nice with caution!