You only need in your life the people that want to be there.

I learned a real important lesson from my own father leaving me when I was young : You only need in your life the people that want to be there.

My mom and dad split when I was very young. My mom went off and started her new life without him. Did he try and see me? No. Did he pay his child support? No. Obviously, I wasn't important enough. I finally met this man when I was 20 years old. I was excited to meet the man everyone told me i looked and acted so much like. But when I finally did, I just didn't care. He was never there for me. He chose to not be in my life. Why do I need him? I got this far without him. I grew up with a "Daddy" that loved me..and he was all that I needed. I hope this for Kaeden one day. I hope Eric stays out of his life, because it's quite obvious he doesn't really want to be there. Kaeden only needs in his life..people that WANT to be there for him.

Tonight, Eric was here. I tried to just ignore him and let him play with Kaeden while I got a few things done. But it irritated me when he sat there on his phone texting his trashy whore instead of paying attention to his son. Sure, he played with him for a good long while. But every time that song went off, he grabbed his phone real fast. He made it seem like whatever she had to say was more important than his son at that very moment. At one point, I was in the kitchen making dinner and Kae ran up to him with his play-doh and asked him if he would play with him. My baby was standing right next to him with the bag in his face, and Eric didn't even look at him. It upset me and I couldn't hold it in anymore. My son will NOT be treated like that.

I feel like Eric only wants to be part of Kaeden's life because he knows that I don't want him to. I feel this way because.. he never calls, he doesn't make an effort to be here, and he demands to take him out of this house..with no plans. Just because he feels like he can. Tonight, before I asked him to leave..he said "I'm GOING to take Kaeden on Saturday"..and I quickly said.. "no". Of course, he blew up on me telling me that it's his son too and he can do what he want. So what did I respond with? Act like a father, and you can be his father. Are you here when he wakes up? Do you wash, feed and play with him everyday? Are you there when he cries or when he's hurt? Are you there to tuck him in at night? That's MY son. I take care of him 24/7. I AM THERE FOR HIM. In my eyes, he is not his father.

He walked out the door and told me he wished I were dead. I told him to leave..go home to his trash. Go have another one of her 8 kids. And just to make it hurt a little more..he said he should. He said she's better than me. She works, she's not lazy. Whatever. I'm a better person then either of them will ever be. It hit me then.. That maybe I wasn't a good wife to him. Maybe I was lazy. Maybe I didn't give him what he needed. But you know what? I think it's just because he didn't give it to me in return. I didn't wanna be that wife for him. Because it IS what I crave. I WANT to be a perfect wife for someone. He just wasn't it.

He called me a few minutes later.. Told me that I was wrong for not letting him see his son. I told him that if he had ASKEd instead of demanded it..things could be different. I told him that if he proved to me that he wanted to be part of his son's life..that it would be different. I also told him that if he showed me a little bit of respect, as the mother to his son..that also, things could be different. But he shows me none of this..so my decision stands. Then he proceeded to tell me that he's taking the day off tomorrow to go file for joint custody..and he doesn't want to give me a dime. Yeah, we'll see how that goes.

He told me that it wasn't fair that I let Kaeden stay at my parents house this weekend. He said I always chose them over him. Well, guess what HONEY? My parents are THERE for Kaeden! When we didn't have any money, they helped us. They call him everyday. They worry about him. They love him. They would do ANYTHING to see him. When my mother and I weren't speaking..she STILL called to see if he was okay. THAT, my friend, is why I let my parents take him for a weekend..and not you. They're responsible, they're loving and i TRUST THEM. That's more then I can say for you.

I'm calling legal services first thing in the morning. I promised myself on Monday that I would call..and I just couldn't work up the nerve to do it. But I know I have to now. I need to stop telling myself that he will be a better man. Because it's quite obvious that he's not. I need to fight my ass off to make sure I get full custody of my boy. I will do anything and everything that I can to prove that he shouldn't be in his life. I'm sick of seeing my son hurt. I'm sick of him hurting me.

I'm no mistake. He can keep telling himself that.. But i'm not. I'm the best damn thing that happened to him and he can't stand to admit that. If i'm such a mistake, then that means Kaeden was a mistake. And I sure as hell know that there is NOTHING that man can say or do to ever have me think that my son was a mistake.

I don't want him in my life. I don't want him in my son's life. And if that means giving up child support, then so be it. I will find a way to do whatever I can for my son and I have loving friends and family that will help me get there. I'm done answering his calls and texts. I'm done thinking about him. I'm done worrying about him. I'm done making an effort. I'm DONE with him. I'm ready for this new life. I'm SO ready.